My apologies for the long absence. I have actually been somewhat busy the last week or so talking to potential employers. I think the New Year is going to be good to me in terms of finding a job.
Anyway, I did in fact buy and consume “The Beast”. Of course, the eating itself cannot properly describe the experience, so I will begin at the beginning. I strolled over to Harris Teeter around 12:30 failing to remember that this meant I was trying to get a sub right in the middle of the lunch rush. When I arrived there were about 20 people ahead of me in line. No big deal, I occupied my mind with a little Tuesday crossword on my iPhone. Just as I was trying to figure out a crucial answer I realized that I had made it to the front of the line and the sub lady was giving me the stink eye. “Can I have The Beast” I asked innocently enough. She rolled her eyes, took a long look down the line behind me (still about 15 deep), and barked out orders for grilled chicken and bacon to one of her many minions. Apparently I was the first to order The Beast and while the sub lady knew exactly how to make it, the sub station was ill-prepared for the order. When the minions came back with the various ingredients, she whipped it all together and started to wrap it up. Wait, what about heating it up? I asked her to heat mine, but she quickly snapped that they did not have a microwave in the back. Foiled! She briskly handed over the sub and took the order of the next patron. I felt like Ralphy as he whooshed to the bottom of the slide and lay motionless, mulling over holiday betrayal in The Christmas Story. I had come in expecting a beautiful, steaming sandwich to be constructed before my eyes and instead left the HT with a brick of disappointment. When I got back to my place I tried to heat the meat and put the sub back together, but it just was not the same. The sandwich was pretty good, but that is as far I will go. Hopefully the sub department will get their act together one of these days, but until then I can only dream of what might have been.

Merry F*%#ing Christmas!